Still think that you can make it to the summer solstice with your hearing intact? Well think again as nine black alps are preparing to strike selected cities across the british isles in a blitzkrieg of june-based bombast.

The dates are as follows:

Monday 18 June - Manchester Roadhouse
Tuesday 19 June - Glascow ABC2
Thursday 21 June - London Islington Academy
Friday 22 June - Birmingham Academy 2
Please take all necessary precautions and await further instructions.